I have been playing this strange magician’s trick for the last few weeks. Most know it as the disappearing act but the reality is that I haven’t really gone anywhere. It’s strange but a cloud filled with silence decided to surround me and no words would come out. I have been trying to write a true blog post for the past 2-3 weeks but nothing would come out, nothing real and nothing worthy of being said.
Unfortunately, I’ve been dealing with this same issue in my writing. I have been stuck for longer than I’d like to admit with my YA paranormal novel as well as my A paranormal novel. A great friend and fellow writer told me to take it slow, one chapter a week at least to get the ball rolling. I have been writing chapter four since Monday and today is the last day. Not only have I plotted, outlined with great detail, I even managed to throw in dialogue BUT my fingers refuse to type. My mind goes blank as my creative side dives into one of the crevices. I didn’t realize I was playing Hide N’ go Seek.
Last night I decided to go out with my mom for an hour, just to get my mind off of the book and relax. Maybe I was being way too uptight? Maybe I wasn’t allowing what I needed to come through because I was forcing it? So I went to a party of a family friend and was kidnapped by a baby. I swear he held on and refused to let go.
I had made my rounds saying ‘hello’ and ‘how are you?’ until I was spotted. This adorable baby boy somehow managed to con his way home with us for a few hours. (Okay it was more like he was tired but couldn’t sleep because he was so afraid of missing something.) So in the quiet and calm of my home, I attempted to sit down with him on my lap. He began to cry, for some reason that I’ll never understand, he wanted me to pace the floor rocking him continuously. So I walked and walked until my arms began to hurt immensely. His eyes started to droop to a close and I began laying him down in the crib we had so he could sleep. I knew that the second he closed his eyes (not faking it like he had prior), he would fall asleep fast.
Unfortunately, he had other plans. The second I laid him down, he screamed bloody murder and I knew exactly what he was saying by the look on his face. “HOW COULD YOU? I WAS SO HAPPY IN YOUR ARMS! DON’T YOU DARE PUT ME DOWN AGAIN!” The cute little bundle of joy, hollered his life away as I continued to pace the floor, trying to plague me with more guilt by baby whining “HOW CAN I TRUST YOU NOW? If I close my eyes, you’ll put me down again!”
I felt so bad causing him to have his little fit plus I knew he was overtired; his second wind had come and gone. So for the next hour to hour and a half, I paced the floor until his tiny eyes couldn’t stay open anymore. I finally got to sit down and he stayed asleep. Every twenty minutes or so he would fuss with a tiny kick of his foot or rub his face but rocking from side to side, calmed him down and he stayed asleep until his parents came to pick him up.
Last night, I remembered the cute faces he made, his adorable smile and the funny little bubbles he made with his mouth. Even now there is still a small amount of guilt, I have for making him have his little fit but putting him down in the crib. I didn’t expect my night to turn out that way at all. I thought I was going out for an hour and coming back to my laptop to possibly write a few paragraphs or at least get some ideas down for the plot.
Now that it’s 9 in the morning, I realized the truth of the matter as well as the lesson learned. That adorable bundle of joy, taught me something. Not just parenting experiences but with my ‘baby’. All my novels are my ‘babies’ and I would never want to hurt them or cause them to freak out like he had. I can imagine at least two of mine screaming at me now, “HOW COULD YOU PUT ME DOWN!?” So today I am going to put in the effort to finish my YA chapter four, work on my A paranormal novel and fiddle around with another story that hasn’t had attention in a long while.
I had no idea that going to a party was going to have such an effect on what I did today. And it’s all thanks to a 5 month old. 🙂